I'm eager to share resources about fathering, especially with MOM clients and kids, many of whom are without a father in the home. You, too, may have a past that is quite painful in this area. Adult children suffer in their own ability to parent their kids for lack of dad or active father figure in their life. Lance Armstrong suffers, too, which is why I share his story with you this month.

Lance is America's premier athlete (my opinion) and cyclist comeback story-not only as a cancer survivor and now five-time Tour de France winner-but also as one who knows fatherlessness and its impact, for better and worse, on his life as a family man. Lance's story shows that a painful past with one's father, or lack of fathering, can be overcome-but not without a struggle.

This little-known aspect of Lance Armstrong was brought to my attention recently by Dr. Ken Canfield, the director of the National Center for Fathering (out of Shawnee, Kansas). Ken continues to mentor me in this arena, ever since I began writing for him a decade ago. Ken's insights and application of Lance's "Tour de Family" are excerpted here.

A father of three young children made history last week. He's better known as the winner of the Tour de France. Lance Armstrong won the Tour for the fifth consecutive year, but perhaps more important is his current standing in the Tour de Family.

Lance and Kristin Armstrong separated earlier this year for undisclosed reasons. Reviewing their past five years of life together may provide some clues: They have lived in six homes, in three countries, speaking three different languages. They've had three children (including a set of twins) through artificial insemination, made a comeback from cancer, been active in raising money for cancer research, won the Tour de France five times, and made a big rise to celebrity status. Since their separation in February, Kristin said it has been "hard to handle for both of them."

The good news is that they are now back together. This week, Lance told reporters that despite rumors saying he would be facing rival Jan Ullrich in a World Cup event in Zurich this month, that news is wrong. "I'll be far from Zurich.... I just want to get away from it all and spend time with my three kids... go to the pool, play, kiss and hug them." Kristin agreed: "We're going to take the month of August and play, spend some time alone. Have some fun. I think it's going to be OK." Lance's commitment to reconnect with his family earns him a ten-minute bonus in the Tour de Family.

Armstrong's candor about his life has been refreshing. In his autobiography, It's Not About the Bike (http://www.lancearmstrong.com/), there are several underlying reasons why the Tour de Family and Fatherhood are tough races for him. He writes, "Your past forms you, whether you like it or not." For Lance, that meant growing up without a father and watching his mother go through three painful divorces. "The main thing you need to know about my childhood is that I never had a real father," he wrote.

Lance believes the obstacle of his fatherlessness became an opportunity to develop an overcoming attitude. "It's funny. People are always saying to me, 'Hey, I ran into your father.' I have to stop and think, Exactly who do they mean? It could be any of three people, and frankly, my birth father I don't know from a bank teller. I have nothing to say to Terry Armstrong, my stepfather.... All I felt for them was a kind of coldness, and a lack of trust."

One of Lance's toughest challenges in the Tour de Family is resolving the pain and loss in his childhood. However, with Kristin and his three children as supporters, he can overcome. The indomitable attitude that Lance has successfully applied to cycling can be applied in his family, too-and that's true for many of us. There are fathers today who are laboring over the pain and loss in their family of origin. Yet one of the profound truths about being a dad is that you can be challenged to go beyond the experience of your past and, where necessary, put things in proper order.

Consider these action points for committed fathers

1. Go bike riding, hiking or swimming with your child this weekend. During a rest stop, tell him how much you enjoy "getting physical" with him.
2. Ask your wife how you're doing in the "Tour de Family." Do you deserve a ten-minute bonus, or are you falling off the lead?
3. Assess your summer schedule and ask some tough questions: How am I spending my time? Am I connecting on a deep level with my children (even those who live away from me)? What must I accomplish with my family before school starts in the fall?
4. Talk to your child's mother about your vulnerabilities as a dad. Be honest and assess how having children has shaped your life.
5. Reach out to an unfathered child and include him in one of your family activities before school starts.

I did the bike ride last weekend with my oldest son in Minneapolis. I'm working on steps 2 & 3. I did step 4 last May. I also invited my associate in client counseling and case management, Craig Waggoner, for a candid reaction to Canfield's advice column. Craig says, "I liked this, but like most articles that emphasize the responsibility of the individual to overcome obstacles, it doesn't say anything about social factors that are necessary to help people overcome those same obstacles. With Lance, he was white. That's a huge bonus right there. Also, I think you have to look at economics, as well. Was he a middle-class child? If he was, that's a help. And politics: What commitment was made by his community to education, to taking care of children and families, making sure they are fed and housed. Where did he get the medical benefits to overcome his cancer? What kind of support was available to him? It's great that he had the determination to overcome, but there were other factors that played an equally important role, as well."

Your reactions are appreciated, too, dear reader. If you want to explore these issues more on your own with the principal author, visit www.fathers.com or E-mail dads@fathers.com.

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