WANTED: Godparents and Mentors

Do you have a godparent in your life, or one in your child’s life? Conversely, do you have a godson or goddaughter of your own? This week, I focus on three aspects of being a godparent: (1) the universal need for one, (2) the godly qualities of a godparent, and (3) the commitment to become one, or get one for yourself.

By “godparent,” I do not mean someone appointed at baptism. Nor am I referring to someone who meets the economic needs of surviving children upon the death of their parents. Rather, a true godparent is a spiritual mentor who initiates and guides a young person—or an older person who has drifted off course—into fulfilling their destiny. This is an educational and spiritual task, not a ceremonial or financial one. Godparents help us make the transition into adulthood, to find our true place in this world.

Even with the best of intentions and with all their other duties, parents are often overwhelmed or ill-equipped, or too needy themselves, to offer this kind of guidance. Sometimes, especially in large extended families, an aunt or uncle steps in to play this role. In small villages, an artisan or skilled craftsman passes along the job and life skills necessary for you to make it in this world. The emotional and spiritual guidance can also come from a psychoanalyst or pastoral counselor who helps us makes sense of the world.

More likely, you came from a small nuclear family and live in an urban setting, so you will benefit from looking for a godparent outside your immediate circles. Let fate guide you to that guiding light. Watch where your energy naturally flows, the people you gravitate to, especially those who bring out the best in you. Then yoke yourself to that person to become all you can be.

As an insecure youth in high school, I most admired Coach Kurachek, my football coach who taught me self-discipline, steered me straight, and brought out the best in me. For years, John & Muriel Whallon (a pastor couple) made me feel secure in God’s love when my own parents’ shaky marriage (and later divorce) bred insecurity in me. Later, as a young minister to college students, I gravitated to Pete Hammond and the late Dr. John Alexander, of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, who both mentored me in several areas.

A decade later, I apprenticed myself to Dr. Richard Peace, a veteran communicator of the faith, who helped me through a crisis of career, marriage, and self-confidence. Now, two decades later, as I seek convergence of other disparate threads of my life, I am joined on that spiritual journey by Chuck Pfeifer, former director of Madison-area Urban Ministry (MUM) for 25 years. He is serving as my Spiritual Director in the near term.

Mentoring goes both ways. As we take in, we must give out. If you are in mid-life as I am, or retired from work, you may have received significant mentoring along the way. If so, it’s time to let a younger person grab meaningful time with you and learn from you.

If you are looking for models to emulate in this regard, follow the man who bids you, “Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly”—quoting Jesus, in Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the Bible, The Message, found in Matthew, chapter 11, verses 29-30.

Men who would father others never lose their own need for someone to “father” them. The same goes for “mothers.” The apostle Paul was both mother and father for the early church. Any who aspire to be spiritual godparents to a younger generation would do well to follow his example.

“We weren’t aloof with you, we took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. We loved you dearly, not content to just pass on the message, we wanted to give you our hearts, and we did. You remember us in those days, friends, working our fingers to the bone, up half the night, moonlighting so that you wouldn’t have the burden of supporting us while we proclaimed God’s message to you. You saw with your own eyes how discreet and courteous we were among you, with keen sensitivity to you as fellow believers, and, God knows, we weren’t freeloaders. You experienced it all firsthand. With each of you we were like a father with his child, holding your hand, whispering encouragement, showing you, step by step, how to live well before God who called us into His own kingdom, into this delightful life” (quoted from Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the Bible, The Message, found in 1 Thessalonians, chapter 2, verses 7-12).

If you’ve been reading any of my columns since my sabbatical, or if you’ve see me around town, in church or with my family lately, you may see a “godparent” trying to imitate godly traits of others in this regard: being open and honest, more transparent, letting you see me on the inside. True godparents strive to be good and godly, but we’re not perfect; we’re broken and we hope others learn through our mistakes.

With my two adult sons whose granddad and grandma have recently passed away, I’ve talked more about the weaknesses and mistakes we all made raising our kids. When ones hears another share such failures, the listener or learner can readily identify. My kids grant that I’m still making some progress in my life, so they take hope for themselves. God does not expect you or me—or any parent or child—to be perfect. He does want us to be real and full of grace. Owning up to our mistakes, embracing the lessons learned, passing those lessons on to the next generation—that’s when we excel as parents and godparents.

To be effective as a godly godparent is no easy task. Realizing that life is tough, we lead—whether it’s in the home, in ministry or in the marketplace. And leaders pay a price, but not as victims. Hence, we work hard, take responsibility, get proactive, get out there, and make things happen.

I am comforted by the thought of my dad going to heaven and no longer working hard. As I am now that I am into my 4th decade of ministry, I'm thinking about the finish line as well. But I am not going to coast to the finish line. I must stretch out and press on to raise up more mentors, life coaches, godparent-types who are proactive, take the lead, and get involved in showing the way and in holding younger parents accountable.

Mentors come out of churches, service clubs, through United Way, the schools, and alumni of various groups. Opportunities abound here in Dane County. Check out these nonprofits, who each recruit, train and match up mentors for their clients in need:

• MUM prevents prisoner recidivism through “circles of support.”
• The Interfaith Hospitality Network (IHN) and the YWCA break the cycle of poverty through their 2nd Chance Project.
• Habitat for Humanity does so through their homeownership program, involving sweat equity and education.
• Middleton Outreach Ministry matches some clients with financial mentors and Stephen Ministers. To find out more, contact me or Carole Klopp at 836-7338 or at MOM’s website at www.mompop.org. You’ll be glad you did. So will a “godson” or “goddaughter.”

© 2005 Middleton Outreach Ministry

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